Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
