I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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