you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
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we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
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I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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