Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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