You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
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Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
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The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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