I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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