I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
