Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
