Fine. I'll sleep in my office
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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