Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
