I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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