You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
