drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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