It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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