I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she looked like the before picture.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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