ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
