Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
