But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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