When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
That reminds me...we need to get swords
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
