you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
