Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
