I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize