Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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