Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
