the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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