STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I pour the whiskey from now on
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
