i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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