I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
