I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
