Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
