Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
