He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The best revenge is premature balding
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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