god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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