I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
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