I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
