I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
