time to smoke my breakfast
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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