Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
