How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Acid is not a monday night drug
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
