Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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