true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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