I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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