listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the condom got lost in my hair
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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