what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize