highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
