I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
