Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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