I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
