i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
