She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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