Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
