the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
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i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
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Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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