glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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