Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
