garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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