you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
