You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
