i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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