i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
