So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
