you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize