Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
