she looked like the before picture.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize