I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
