I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
