I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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